A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
