I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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