U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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