maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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