Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
