Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dicks are not precious.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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