her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
