Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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