At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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