The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
