You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
