Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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