i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
