She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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