he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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