I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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