Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
