do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
