Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
