I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
false alarm, still single
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