I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
