Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
