Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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