The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
