shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
