please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
