I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize