I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
