her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
