I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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