Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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