Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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