can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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