I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
