eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
