I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
