In the future we'll all be gay
I love black thongs
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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