he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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