he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize