I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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