Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
