i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
