We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
