So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
