When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
