Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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