apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
