I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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