he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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