dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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