My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
