Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
