when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im part way to drunk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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