Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
