shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
