I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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