Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
50% drunk capacity currently
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I believe in your delicious
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
