When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
