I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
nutella sex= disaster
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think my cat just said my name.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
