Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
