your room smells of hookers.
And success
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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