Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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