he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
