I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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