OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
